Nutbar

12 months. If I don't find the Albert to my Victoria I will pimp myself out for an arranged marriage. I want to be married in this life.

I'd rather find the Albert to my Victoria but I don't expect the universe to act on my behalf so I'll settle for what comes my way. S gave me the opportunity, which I thought he was testing me. He said there was someone for me here... I said no because I was with Paul. Now Paul has told me to fuck off and the opportunity is likely long gone (it was 3 years ago after all).

I'm such an idiot. I was trying to do the right thing and I ended up screwing myself.

Moving on

Much to my chagrin I started an internet dating profile.

Learn how to flirt for god's sake! That way you won't need the internet. Just flash men your slit... that seems to be all they want anyway...

(post script: I could only handle the internet dating for slightly over 24 hours - I deleted the profile and will try to learn how to flirt)

(post post script: Sad. I miss p and know that he didn't just want a slit, but he didn't want me, in the end. He wanted his children, he didn't want to bother me with his unsettled life, and ultimately, he didn't want me... that's my take home message. Supposedly there is someone here for me, but I don't see them/it. All I see is that I am alone, 38 and cannot foresee anyone wanting to be with me. I am and will be alone.)

Phew

Well, I passed my first 'midterm'. It was brutal and I am one of the lucky ones who did pass. As I later found out, many failed.

Phew.

So, since I had half a day 'off' I went to the gym, worked my backside off and came home to finish a safety audit that I have been putting off. It needs to be done in the next 10 days so I need to get on it!

Too much to do, too little time. Thank god I don't have children.