Metamorphasis or mortification

Not one for thriller/horror movies, really. 'After life', however, kept me watching despite itself or myself.

It made me think, which is a good thing for a movie to do. "Why do we die?" "To make life important." Another theme was that people had died inside long before their body had died.

How does one deal with life? What do you want your life to be? "I kept wanting it to be different, but it was the same day after day" (another quote from the movie)

What would make life worth living for you? Is your life even worth living? If not, why not? If it is, how is it?

I'm not going to lie to you. I have really struggled with his question and often find myself wanting - trying to grapple with whether my life specifically is worth it. I mean, I'm here so there is a reason for me being here, but I do not feel that I am getting it or doing what I need to do. I'm floating through life living on different continents, doing radically different jobs, getting university degree after university degree, but I'm still not satisfied that I am or have done what I need to.

I realised a few years ago that those who surround me will be there after I kick off (much to my chagrin). The troubles I struggle with now are the struggles I will have after death. We all have different ideologies/theologies and this is mine.

How does one live a life worth living? Satisfaction of self and circumstance, being at peace? Breathing deeply and telling yourself it'll be all right? I just don't understand if I am pacifying and lying to myself or if it is the truth. I'm just tired of being desperately unhappy with myself. I do a lot of interesting things, have lead an incredibly diverse life so far, I am not a complete ding dong, but I find myself wanting... it's still not good enough. *I* am still not good enough.

I wonder if this is the remnants of evangelical x-ianity that still has its hooks in me.

How, then, should I live? The truth is that I want to live. Fully, completely and connected but I am not at the moment.

Cast some light. That's what popped to mind. Will go ponder.