Pass the Jelly

Well, I must confess, I did not purchase this book and I do not remember receiving it as a gift. I was looking for a business card the director gave me before I left, rummaging through the boxes of office/desk things from when I worked in the government (no, I have not unpacked the boxes... I just keep foraging on an as needed basis - I loathed the job so much that I almost find it painful to look through the boxes). I didn't find his card (good thing I have a few brain cells and remembered the pattern the government uses for email addresses) but I did discover this book.

It could be that someone gave it to me, but I can't imagine who it would have been from that place. The last week or so in that job was so filled with anxiety and angst that all I remember doing is feeling like crap and wondering why things had turned as they had.

At any rate, I found this book so I thought there might be a reason for it. You may think me stark raving mad, but it wouldn't be the first time an object has simply appeared. It does not happen often, but it has happened. I normally dislike books that are 'spiritual' but seem to have been given 3 so far that are thought provoking if not actually interesting. Allow me to share a bit of this book:

"A long chain of cause and effect had led to my being where I was, and while this is true for everyone all the time, I knew it wasn't personal. It never is. And knowing this allowed me to soak in the entire spectacle.

I happened to be sitting on the divider between the buzzing north and southbound lanes of Interstate 5, California's busiest freeway... The water, the oil, the hydroplaning cars had made me one of the inevitable accident statistics of the day.

The sun hammered against the morning drizzle as I sat and watched drivers race past me. It was inspiring. Despite the wrecks of cars that lined their route, these drivers were still willing to flirt with the razor-sharp edge of Newton's unforgiving laws of motion. I found myself impressed, as I often am, by the unflinching optimism of the human spirit.

To my left, my freshly crumpled car was being raised into the air by a tow truck. I'd already done the ritualistic exchange of insurance information with the woman who had helped make my accident possible. She was perfectly nice, but we both knew our time together was fleeting. Although brief, our relationship was intense and memorable, which is more than many people share. ...

During our drive I realised what a deep spiritual practice being a tow truck driver could be. For someone so inclined, it would be impossible not to gain a profound perspective on life. Day after day you show up at scenes where, only moments earlier, fates of life and death had been dealt. ... Even simple scenes of people leaning against broken-down vehicles would continually reinforce the futility of resisting what is. ...

The principle being demonstrated crystallised in my mind: people do what they do. That's what they do. And that is it."

I've left a lot out, but the first chapter is all about accepting people for who they are and not attempting to force them to be someone they are not. I think it is equally important for us, ourselves, to try to understand who we are deep down. Not who our parents, friends, children or even who ***we*** want to be, but who we actually are.

Sure, we can learn a new skill, we can learn another language, move across the world, get a university degree or learn a trade... we can do many things but we do ourselves a great injustice if we try to be anything other than who we actually are in the core of our beings.

I am someone I don't really like (I'm awkward, say things that most people flinch at because they were thinking it but no one in their right mind would actually say such a thing, I'm intense, I'm a seeker, I am overweight but not obese, my moods are like the weather, etc etc) but I am someone that some people seem to like.

While lamenting about how much of an idiot I am (despite having a high IQ, I consider myself an idiot) the only friend of mine who doesn't mind going to the pub and having a pint said "look, you don't get it. When I describe you to my friends I say that you are like a force of nature." When I had to write a ditty for a volunteer position and needed to describe myself, I found it tough (I often only see the negative in myself) so I asked my friends. I got these adjectives back: trustworthy, loyal, dependable, conscientious, assertive, caring, tenacious. I asked people who would tell me straight if I were a jackass, so I was taken aback. I don't have many people I would consider friends. I have a lot of acquaintances and a lot of people who like me in small doses... every few years. :)

Anyway, I guess I need to see myself in a less biased manner. Not in my negative way and not in a Mary Poppins the world is filled with sunshine and roses all the time way, but in an objective way.

We all have things we need to work on and discover, but I'm glad I discovered this book. It is funny (which I love, life is difficult at times so it is important to keep it light, if possible) and it is making me think and reassess. So much to work on...