Self-indulgence

Blogging. One of the most self-indulgent activities on the face of the planet. For me, it is an outlet. The likelihood of you actually knowing me is next-to-non-existent and the truth of the matter is that I am divulging things here that 99.99999% of people do not know about me. I guess you, the anonymous reader, are gaining insight into my soul (the 'anonymous' writer) from a perspective that is previously unseen.

I think the reason I'm pondering this is the fact that there are a few people who come and read my words with regularity. I do not know who you are or anything about you (other than you have access to both a computer, an internet connection, perhaps a curious nature, and that there is likely a reason why you have stumbled onto me and my words). I suppose I feel a bit exposed/naked despite the fact that I am unknown. I am baring my soul. It is suddenly almost more unsettling than changing one's clothes/showering with the curtains and windows open (with full knowledge of that fact) in front of a busy road and side-walk. Without doubt, one's pattern of dressing/showering will coincide with someone's pattern of walking/driving to work/school/etc.

I don't really care if someone sees me naked. I have swam and one whips off their knickers quicker than you can blink an eye. One human body is as mundane as the next - different cup size, slightly saggier/firmer, a few more wrinkles or a bit more cellulite, but it's all the same in the end. The soul, however, is a bit more hidden.

At the end of the day, we're all one anyway so we'll all bare it all eventually, but there is a false sense of privacy while in body. We are seen, but we don't see and don't realise that we are seen. Pick your nose, feel free, but you are seen. People get mocked for driving around picking their nose, others laughing, shaking their heads, wondering who in their right mind would do that... obviously oblivious to the fact that they can be seen by others driving around in their glass bubble.

I guess I'm saying that we live our lives, metaphorically picking our nose in a bubble while we think we're unseen. We are seen and every single thing we do is noted and will be laid bare upon passing (ours and other people). You will see how much your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/child/friend/etc loved or hated you and every single thing they did behind your back, for better or worse. They will see how much you stole, cheated, lied, every little secret thing you did. You will see the same about them.

We all will be required to account for and work through the muck we still have to work through. It doesn't stop when we die... much to my chagrin. We continue to be who we are.

So, I guess I can bare my soul now for you to know now, or can clam up and just be seen upon my/your passing. You can choose to reveal who you are (even anonymously) or just wait. Both are fine by me, it just feels a bit weird blathering away to myself (which is what this was supposed to be) but knowing that you are reading this. So I am blathering to you, in essence.

I also guess that I'm a bit surprised that you're interested. Not sure why, only you know. I'm just a female who is struggling to make sense of this life, the other side, and to do what I can to make a positive difference. I'm odd. I don't really fit in and I don't think like others so I find myself alone most of the time. It is odd to me to think that I am not alone. How do I know I am not alone? You give a rats ass to read my blather and come back to see what kind of a day I'm having or what adventures I find myself on. So I guess I'm saying thank-you to you.

I still feel like this is way too self-indulgent, blathering as I do.