Not seeing clearly

My vehicle was parked outside on the street minding its own business when WHAMO!!! a jackass cracked the side mirror. Fortunately for me, the said jackass then knocked and confessed his sins.

I will be getting it replaced this week for a whopping $300-400 and he's lucky the outside plastic bit seems to be intact or it would be an additional $100. Crazy how much money these things cost.

It feels that I am not handling other things correctly, though. I was upset at my volunteer first aid gig because for almost 3 years things have been sideways and when I volunteered on Thursday the unit was dirty and there wasn't a BP cuff/sharps/whistle tip in the jump kit and the new guy thought you could take a BP with just a stethoscope.

I finally lost it and resigned. I'm tired of volunteering with people who don't know their head from their ass and if left to the girl I was volunteering with two weekends ago, she would have had the guy who was in a wonky heart rhythm (who would have spiraled and gone into cardiac arrest according to the paramedics who came back to thank us and show us his ECG - he was cardioverted and flatlined for 24 seconds) just 'rest' because she thought he was 'tired'. No shit sherlock... he was having an asymptomatic heart attack! All I can say is thank god I was there because he came back after 2.5 hours and thanked me. Who knows what the rest of his life will be, but because we sent him away he lived another day.

Granted, what just flashed through my mind is the film Laurence of Arabia. Have you watched it (if you haven't I wouldn't necessarily say go and watch it... it's a classic but I found it a bit tedious)? Well, the part that flashed to mind was when Laurence saved a man's life who then took another man's life and was then put to death because of it. The Arabs said that Laurence shouldn't have saved the guy because it was the will of Allah that he die.

I don't know who should live or die and I'm not going to make that decision. Not at my pay grade. I don't understand much of what goes on from an energetic or universal perspective... I feel a bit lost at sea and really wish I could talk to my guide again.

Where are you S and why can't I talk to you right now? I miss you.