Fuck me with a hat on

Well, it's been quite a ride.

I worked an ALS shift and tended to this 19 year old kid who was a victim of a hit and run fucktard.  Had the RCMP not found him in a random patrol he'd be dead.  Then a massive fire that forced me to learn how to do a firefighter assessment.

Amazing.  I'm off car for a month, but am being thrown on car for these amazing experiences.

There is so much more, but it's hard to find a reason to share with those who do not share with me.

Fuck it

I booked 7 days in a 5* all inclusive resort leaving on Sunday

I had another nightmare and it's time for that to stop.

We'll see if snorkelling and zip lining above the jungle canopy don't do the trick...

That and 'free' booze...

Are you really dead?

So, I was called on the day the flight lessons were supposed to start and told that every other person in the class had dropped out and I was the only person left. :( They offered to put me into their September intake but I'll be doing the paramedic program then. Double :(

In this past month a lot has happened. The biggest to my psyche was being sent to a DOA which happened not to be as cut and dry as dispatch and the caller made it out to be. He was still warm and had only been down for about 20 minutes.

The day after that call I had a dream whereby a woman had been declared dead and woke up in a morgue... not quite dead... just told she was dead. Then last night I had a dream I was responding to a call and told that the man inside the place was dead, but when I got there he wasn't. This non-DOA is eating away at me.

The man had been battling cancer for 4 years and given 6 months to live September 2012 so this wasn't unexpected to him or his wife, but it was a first for me. Obvious death in my world (EMT school) is rigour mortis, dependent lividity, decapitation, etc. He was none of those.

A couple of weeks ago I was told that either I take my 'named holiday' days or I get paid out so I took this next tour off. Looking online I can see that I could go to Cuba or Mexico all inclusive for about $1000-1200 for a week. I'd need to leave on Sunday.

I am so tired.

For the love of Zeus

So very much has happened in a month.

Seriously.

I have stood by the highway and launched ambulance helicopters, done even more CPR, taken care of a DOA, done many more things from a patient perspective some made my eyebrows furrow and my head cock to the side like a dog.

More importantly, my dad is not doing well. I'm not in a mental space to expand.

On the up side, I will begin flying lessons next week. Money is not worth much if you're dead so fuck it... why not learn to fly and rise above it?

First things first, I suppose

Well, I guess it would have to happen.  This tour "Staying Alive" ran through my head numerous times.  What does that mean?  Well, that a code was immanent.

Much is happening, but with the iPad, it does not work to post... boo blogger for being so iPad unfriendly.

Anyway, at 04:58 this morning the echo call came in.  My Basic Life Support (BLS) partner and I boogied to the scene and the volunteer fire department were attempting to do CPR.  The patient was in asystole and the woman in the house had refused to do CPR when the dispatcher asked her to.

Fuck - why is a code always a shit show?

Anyway, long story short, the Advanced Life Support (ALS) crew got there, the paramedic took over and I went with them to lend a hand.  I did at least 30 mins of CPR, sweated like a pig, wiped brown liquid that was coming from his nose away from his open and increasingly bloodshot and filmy eyes.  The paramedic gave 3 rounds of epi and atropine then a final blast of sodium bicarb, one final minute of CPR and TOD was called at 06:19.

My tour ended this morning at 07:00 so by the time all was said and done I had a bit of overtime and some reflection to do.  I wished the patient well in wherever he is going and whatever he needs to do next.  I did my best to try to keep him here.

I came home to see my beloved dog so gleeful to see me which always brightens my heart :) I decided to go out and buy a half decent but relatively inexpensive bottle of bubbling wine (Henkell Trocken) and decided to celebrate life.  I will buy a bottle every time a person codes and does not come back.  Perhaps morbid or incredibly positive.

This job reminds me to celebrate every single fucking moment, until I forget (or become petty about the stupid small shit that does not matter)... and am faced with a genuine life or death situation.

Puts all the stupid shit into perspective.  Makes me grateful for whomever or whatever machinations lead me to my profession.

Ching, ching, la chaim, to life, etc etc etc

ps - been accepted into paramedic school a couple months back.  start in september.

I'm clear, you're clear, we're all clear

Well, I thought my post was posted, but obviously it was lost in the ipad translation (blogger sucks big, sweaty, hairy man balls when it comes to ipad posting).

On September 18th an 80 year old gentleman went from talking, to cardiac arrest, to me shocking, to doing CPR with my partner, to having him have a spontaneous return of circulation, to him conversing with the dr at the hospital and the doctor asking if he had really gone into cardiac arrest.

I fucking love my job.

It may seem quiet

On your side of this screen, but from my side it is veritable whirlwind of action.  Working full time on the ambulance which works out to 4 days on and 4 days off, but the off are not really off.  I teach CPR and First Aid classes, do my taxes/accounting for my business, do health and safety consulting or auditing, and walk my little retarded dog.

I love being busy and busy I am.

Life is good.  Blogging has seemed to fall to the wayside.  If I knew that anyone gave a rats arse about knowing more about what was going on I might make more of an effort, but it doesn't feel like I'm connected to anyone that visits.

Just call me sweaty

I had a call today at the end of my tour.  It was for a 60 yo paramedic (so his wife told us as we walked in).  There I was with blinky (who didn't use sirens the entire charlie call - I am biting my tongue).

My hands shook as I did a successful IV (20g when I thought it was 18g - AC, all good... patent and happy) and put the ECG 12 lead on.

He waited from 19:30 last night to 04:30 this morning to call EMS after taking *11* shots of nitro.

Holy crap.

I called for ALS backup in case they could push meds I couldn't.  Morphine, that's it because he'd waited too long.

I literally was dripping I was so stressed.  That was a first.  Paramedics... why do you affect me so?

Here's hoping I don't make others sweaty when I'm a paramedic.

You can pick your nose...

It is a bit of a love/hate relationship with this new ambulance service.  I work consistently with two people and when one of them was on vacation, some casuals.  So, I am one of 3 full-time people and then there are several casual workers.

One of the FT people is a solid EMT who actually may be starting the same paramedic program as I am hoping to get into and the other is an EMR who failed the EMT twice, is 62 years old, is me x2 weight wise and is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

He blinks one eye at a time and acts like a child.  Seriously.  You can pick your nose but you can't pick your partners.

On the up side, I feel like this is a solid learning experience.  As a BLS service, I am learning how to delegate, run a call and be a big girl on the ambulance (instead of the paramedic's bitch).  This past tour saw me running a call with a 79 yo woman who initially had NSR with a 1st degree block (bp 110/79 hr 64) spiral downwards into afib (bp 78/36 hr 38)... all I had to say to my casual partner was "Diesel" and off we tootled with lights/sirens.

I am proud to say that I made solid clinical decisions and we got her to the hospital alive.  It's challenging to work rural because you have a 30+ minute ride to the safety of a hospital.  She'll likely need a pacemaker but that lovely lady is still alive to hug her grandkids.

YAY!!!

Where there's smoke...

A busy tour. Shootings, emerg calls and finally a structural fire. It was the first fire I was dispatched to and it was in the town I'm working in. The masonic lodge went up in flame and I stood there watching the volunteer fire fighters battle the blaze while getting paid overtime (yesterday was busy). Interesting potentially only to myself is that I awoke at 02:45 and knew something was going to happen. I got up, put my hair in a bun and waited. At about 03:10 the air raid siren went off; the signal that there is a fire or natural disaster. I don't worry about it until I hear my tones go off because many a grass fire need fire fighters to take care of business at this time of the year. When my tones went off... I wasn't overly surprised but I was, in a way. When I saw the blaze the necessary "Holy smokes" came out of my mouth with genuine wowness. It was engulfed and going down.

I'm actually quite happy that I made an additional $500 during this pay period because of the OT I put in. Makes me think this will work out after all.

Then, to top it off, I arrived back home to my waggy tailed friend greeting me.

It feels like life is actually good.

The smell of freshly mown grass and rain

Driving back from my first tour on the new ambulance service was delightful. 2 hours and 45 minutes instead of the 11 hour drive. It felt like it went by in a flash. Along the way I was met with rain, black fields ready to receive the rain to get their crop germination under way and freshly mown grass. It was actually relaxing and delightful to drive through the gentle hills. This tour was a breeze. I had 2 patients, one stint in an area that needed coverage and plenty of down time. I watched movies and read. I was also beginning to organise my notes to study. I've an entrance exam in a couple of months for a paramedic program that will begin in January 2013. I'm starting to try to familiarise myself with the drugs in the paramedic scope and furthering my knowledge of ECGs. I'm grateful that I was selected for this ambulance service. I will grow more comfortable with my skills, learn how to run a call and hopefully pick up confidence before I begin the medic program. It's going to be a long 2 years of focus and I think that working in a place like this will give me the time to study as it's not super busy but I will glean the steady experience of 1 call a day. Genuinely grateful for the rain, peace and hope for the future. Who would have thought I'd get to this point. It's been such a painful past few years.

Last FT tour

A busy tour it was. I got 44 hours of overtime in 2 weeks. I flew here, I flew there... An interesting case was a post code. The 48 yo f had been partying (alcohol and pot) when she clutched her chest, collapsed, a friend drunkenly attempted cpr, ems arrived, delivered 2 shocks, epi and bamo she recovered a heartbeat. Right. So I discovered this tour that not all heart rhythms are equal... which I already knew. When my paramedic partner and I were in the hospital, we saw that they undersedated her. This means that she was paralysed, potentally screaming in her brain (unlikely in this case) and posturing. If you know what posturing is all about, you know her brain was saying - WTF is this???? I am DONE. So, we transported broccoli from one city to another. I found out the next week that she was only seizing when they let the meds wear off. Don't do drugs kids... (as I sip a coke zero and coconut vodka bevvie). Start the next gig on Friday. Tired. Think I may go to cuba or greece for a holiday sometime this year. I turned 40 and haven't had a vacation in 6 years... it's time...

Orientations

Well, I had an orientation and also a day on how to use a computer that is in the ambulance and another that we have to take into each call. The orientation went well. The town is small but friendly. I had to sew flashes on an old shirt of mine because my uniform isn't ready and didn't have a needle and thread. Went into the hardware store and the lady there said that they didn't have anything that would suit but she grabbed a set she got from staying in a hotel that I could use. She gave it to me so I could be ready to work the next day.

Small town living. So radically different from the big city.

One last rotation in my other service and I asked to only fly for the 2 weeks. Also am pondering getting a private pilot license since I love flying so much.

Why not. Life is short.

Tour 5 will be the last

Sad. I interviewed for a position that was closer to home. Only 2.75-3 hours one way instead of 11.

I heard, a couple hours ago, that I was successful. I don't know how I feel about this. Granted now I will have a pension if I stick with it for another 25 years so I won't have to eat dog/cat food, but I love the flying. It's also a butt fuck nowhere place where they only get 1 call a day if they're lucky and do transfers mostly.

Hired on Friday the 13th. Irony or omen? I have no fucking idea.

Shwoop

So, I sat up in the co-pilot seat on my final night. During the flight out to the remote area where the patient needed to be picked up, the pilot asked if I wanted to fly the plane. I flew. Then the northern lights danced.

Honestly.

I think I'm going to see about getting my pilot license... flying is addictive.

Working is for the dogs

Well, just got back from tour 3. It is amazing to live where the dogs rule. Sun dogs rule the day and moon dogs rule the night. The Northern Lights are also utterly stunning, I returned from a call at 02:30 and they were out, saying good-bye before I traveled the 11 hours home.

So happy to see my living, breathing, tail wagging dog.

Happy.

Also actually saved a life this tour.

Slowly, time rolls backwards

...

Sometimes

There are moments of clarity in life. Similar to the the ability to look through the wind shield when it's raining/snowing hard after the wiper has made things momentarily clear.

It feels like

I am living in a snow globe. Pink sky, gentle, big fluffy flakes.

Beautiful and calm.

Thanks to my pup for requiring 2 walks a day to keep him happy.

I love

My little retarded dog.

Love, love, love. It is just a shame that I got him when he was almost 3 years old.

I honestly try to make his day brighter. That's how much I love my little dog.

He's sleeping beside me.

Love.