Are you really dead?

So, I was called on the day the flight lessons were supposed to start and told that every other person in the class had dropped out and I was the only person left. :( They offered to put me into their September intake but I'll be doing the paramedic program then. Double :(

In this past month a lot has happened. The biggest to my psyche was being sent to a DOA which happened not to be as cut and dry as dispatch and the caller made it out to be. He was still warm and had only been down for about 20 minutes.

The day after that call I had a dream whereby a woman had been declared dead and woke up in a morgue... not quite dead... just told she was dead. Then last night I had a dream I was responding to a call and told that the man inside the place was dead, but when I got there he wasn't. This non-DOA is eating away at me.

The man had been battling cancer for 4 years and given 6 months to live September 2012 so this wasn't unexpected to him or his wife, but it was a first for me. Obvious death in my world (EMT school) is rigour mortis, dependent lividity, decapitation, etc. He was none of those.

A couple of weeks ago I was told that either I take my 'named holiday' days or I get paid out so I took this next tour off. Looking online I can see that I could go to Cuba or Mexico all inclusive for about $1000-1200 for a week. I'd need to leave on Sunday.

I am so tired.